There are very few people in this world that could spend a month or two at River School and fully understand it. In fact, there are very few people in this world that could spend an entire year at River School and fully understand it. I have been at River School for three out of the thirteen years of my life and there are still things I have yet to comprehend. But if there is one thing that I have learned to understand it is this: To succeed at the River School, you have to do it for you.
Now I know this statement can be confusing. First of all, what is success? At River School, success is whatever you want it to be. It’s whatever you create; whatever you choose to make out of it. Everyone has a different definition. My personal definition has taken three years to figure out: three years of growing, learning and understanding.
In sixth grade, everything was big and different and intimidating. I refused to cross lines, to break rules, to make mistakes, all because of the consequences I was too afraid to face. I lived in my own little world where everything had to be flawless and anything that lacked in perfection was unsuitable.
In seventh grade, I began to see beyond my world of fear and faultlessness. Instead of the safe and predictable road I had been following, I decided to try a new rebellious road. I was tired of playing by the rules and being seen as a “good kid”. I didn’t want to be that perfect child anymore. I wanted to see who else I could be and what other things I could accomplish.
I started by giving up my school work. I began bringing home F’s and yelling at my parents when they tried to talk to me about my grades. I did thoughtless things that only resulted in suspensions and conferences. Slowly, I began to destroy all my self-esteem. That new road I decided to take had led me to a completely foreign place. I was completely lost and I had no idea how to get out of the mess I had made. I didn’t want to know who I had become and in a way, I was afraid to find out. All I knew was that the new me covered her eyes in thick black make-up and got horrible grades. I hated that person so much. I would look in the mirror and despise the person staring back at me. It was a horrible feeling, but I didn’t know how to get rid of it.
After months of living in this new, insecure persona I had created for myself, I began to realize how much trouble I had really created. The first thing I realized was that I needed someone. I needed to know that someone cared about me and believed that I was going to make it through all the trouble I had caused. I needed someone to support me and back me up.
I started talking in listening groups more. I was amazed at how much better I felt by simply talking about what I was going through. I also began meeting with my advisor, Mr. Little once a week for twenty minutes or so. I could talk to him about anything and everything and he was always there to listen. Not only did he listen, however, but he also gave me the guidance and the support I had needed for a long time. Slowly, I began to understand what mistakes I had made, and more importantly, I began to realize how to correct them.
That summer and even into the beginning of eighth grade, I learned how to regain my confidence and to become a person I was content with. I began to communicate with my parents and I started letting them know what I really needed from them. I worked with my teachers and ended my seventh grade year with all C’s or above. And finally, I commenced to be a person I was more proud of. It was long and painful and difficult, but I know that it was all worth it. It was all worth that incredible feeling of success.
Earlier, I talked about the definition of success and what it really means. I said that everyone has his or her own definition. For some people, getting straight A’s is success. Some people believe that fitting in socially and having friends is success. Well, for me, after three years at River School, success is standing here before you as a confident young adult who is more than ready to move on to high school next year.
After three years I have figured out that in order to succeed you don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to get straight A’s or always get on the honor roll. You don’t have to wear the right clothes or say the right things. You don’t have to impress people. You don’t have to always know where you’re going or what you want. You just have to be you. You have to know who you are and love and cherish that person with everything you have. That’s what really matters. That is what success really is.