From the time we were investigating preschool for Kara, my husband and I gravitated towards parent participation programs. My husband is an educator and we read the literature that emphasized the value of our role in our children's education. Although most schools welcome volunteers in the classroom, we chose schools that require parent participation. We felt that a school that stresses the importance of parent involvement would draw a community of like-minded people. This turned out to be true.
Through our years at a Co-op preschool and parent-participation-required grade school, I had hands-on opportunities to engage with my daughters and their classmates on a day-to-day basis.
Thus it seemed like a natural transition to head to River School when the time came to choose. I was familiar and comfortable with parent participation programs. In fact, I felt as if I was an expert! Boy was I wrong!
Middle School's unique challenges do not spare the parent, and they have a special impact on the parent who is accustomed to actively participating. I was used to “helping” my child (some might even use terms like “hovering” or “enabling” given the situation).
The River School staff — and my OWN CHILDREN — are guiding me through the learning process of stepping back and letting go, while still being there. It's an easy concept to explain, but a hard one to learn. It takes lots of practice — lots of baby steps. I've let go of the angst I had initially when the kids forgot PE clothes, etc, and I couldn't bring them in. It took 2 years, ... but I've mastered letting go of THAT!
Not so easy to master is letting Kara and her sister struggle over bigger issues, issues that involve decision-making and possibly unpleasant consequences. It hurts to see your child hurt. What is unique about the River Community is this: the staff, my husband and I, AND my children, have all accepted the school's philosophy. Therefore, we can work through issues as a team — within the SAME framework. There is continuity and consistency.
I have weak moments when I fall back into old habits. I have a tendency to try to make things easier for the girls. But I'm learning when to protect them, and when to step back. They will even remind me, “Mom, I can handle this. It's my problem and I have to deal with it.”